Hockenberry Happenings

I am done. I am done with diet this and keto that. Low carb this, high fat that. I have tried to be on the keto diet wagon for the last two months, and to be honest, I have never been so miserable. And not even because of the lack of certain foods, but because of all the IG accounts I follow, or all the stuff talked about on FB, or see on the tv. Its all bad juju that I am feeling from everything that I have been trying to follow. The fact that I feel like a failure when I eat more than 20g carbs is enough to make anyone depressed. And not to mention, that I have been straight up overwhelmed with emotions that pertain to depression and loneliness since moving here to Massachusetts. I have greyed so much in these 11 months. I have succumbed to the hermit lifestyle. First due to the cold weather and snow, but then once spring arrived--the pollen here is deadly for me. I was so sick once spring has sprung. I never wanted to be outside because even the Zyrtec wasn't working. So, what does someone do when this is their "current life"? You wallow in it or you change it. I wallowed and am still wallowing.

Its a viscous cycle but its happening to me. Because of the back injury, it's thrown off my will to exercise. That and it hurts to exercise. Even after going to PT for two months straight, I had no improvement. And with the MRI showing that I had two bulging disks that require the referral to the neurosurgeon, which I can't start here due to the impending move, I'm just struggling to find a place where I can feel comfortable doing something that won't hurt me. I have moments where I feel like I may be able to get some endorphins in. Then I go try a run at the gym, or a fitness class, and then I am spending a few days recovering in agony. What fun is that? What kind of life is this? So, once I start seeing a neuro doc and if they tell me that injections can work to get me running again, I will try. Even though I am scared to death. Scared of injections into the spine or even spinal surgery, scared of what could go wrong, scared of recovery process, etc. All these things scare me. Wow. They truly scare me.

Another thing I am beginning to see is my impact on my daughter. My daughter is so beautiful. She is flawless in my eyes. Not only is she super smart and talented, but she has a fresh beauty about her. She's beautiful in so many ways. However, in my moment of wallowing and complaining to her about my low self esteem issue and how I currently am so disappointed with my body and myself, she told me basically that my bad self image is giving her one. HOLD UP. That right there I never meant to happen, not ever. I never want my beautiful daughter to hate herself or something about her. She's flawless in my eyes. Absolutely flawless. Not to mention, I'd die for a head of hair like hers. Ha.

So, starting tonight, I am done. Done with the self bashing, the negative talk, and the damn wanna be dieting that I know is not what I am needing. I need to find my self-love again. I know I am missing a lot of it due to my pain and aches and not being able to run, but the pitty train stops here. NO more. So here's to bagels again. Tostitoe chips too. (I miss these two the most) . And to self-love and self-care. And to be the kind of role model my children deserve!

We finally made it to our FINAL destination, after driving cross country from California to Massachusetts. We rented a 12 passenger van from Budget outside the LA airport and began our journey. We had to wait about two hours to pick up the rental. The line of people waiting to get their vehicles was ridiculous. There was only two terminals open and about a hundred people in line.
The kids and I waited off the side with the luggage and we were all so very tired and irritated by the time Tim was done in the line and we had keys in hand. From the rental place, we had to drive to the other side of the airport to pick up our babies. They were so confused as to what was happening but they were good. (Only one had an accident)

We are here

We are on the Mainland!!!

midnight look hehe

We began our trek to Phoenix. It was about 6 hours. Tim swore he wasn't even tired and that he wanted to get there. So the kids and I slept, while he drove and had full range of the radio. I was so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open at all. There is something about driving in the car that just makes me sleepy. Maybe it's the white noise sound of the roads, or the humming of the engine, but I just can't stay awake.

Once in Arizona, we got to the hotel and all took a nap till it was time to visit my brother. It was so good to see him, my sister-in-law, uncle, aunt, and niece. It's been a long time since we all visited with each other. Military life has definitely taken a toll on my relationships with my family members. Having lived in all sorts of time zones, getting in touch with everyone has been hard for me. And then, normal life takes over and I get sidetracked and forget. It's just been hard. But everyone is doing great and it was so good to visit. And, we finally got to a Dunkin Donuts!!! After three years of Starbucks, it was such a relief. Dogs got the hotel room to themselves. These guys did NOT like their visit in Arizona-especially with it being 120 degrees and no grass in sight to potty on. Yes, our girls are spoiled.

WHAT!!!!

Dunkin Donuts coffee, mmmm.

Pool time at my brothers

Me and my uncle Billy

From Arizona, we made our way to El Paso Texas. This is where it all began! My first and only duty station when I was active duty-El Paso. It's where I met Tim and we started our family there. It was so cool to see it again because it had grown so much since we were last there. So many new things and the post was ginormous. They had everything you needed and then some. Why even leave post anymore. While there, Madison met up with one of her friends from Oklahoma whose dad was now stationed there. Tim, Mason, and I went to our favorite Mexican Restaurant-Carlos and Mickey's. We ate there all the time when I was pregnant with Mason. Their chips and salsa are the bomb! We ordered the same thing we always use to order, Chicken chimichangas. Delicious just like it always was when we were stationed there.

Fort Bliss, Texas

Chicken chimichanga!!!!

El paso was in the rear view mirror and we were onto Oklahoma when we made a quick pitstop in another town in TX for a visit with our good friends Mike and Gigi. They retired now too. We stayed for a short while and then finished our drive to Fort Sill, Oklahoma. From here we drove to see our granddaughter Lainey and son-in-law, Justin. It was another short visit but it was so great to see them. We visited them at his parents RV. Lainey has gotten so big and she has such an adorable personality. The only thing that would have made it better was if Makayla was there too. We sure do miss her. Our visit was too short there but well worth it.

Aunt Maddie and Lainey

Mason and his first niece

Happy grandparents!

After our too short of a visit, we were on the road towards the east coast. We seen some pretty awesome storms along the way. Hawaii only has maybe one or two good storms during the year, and we were loving the thunder and lightening. Not to mention, I got some pretty awesome pics of the clouds and all.

Fluffy clouds

It's raining over there

Beautiful storm up ahead

After 5 days of driving and hotel staying, we made it into South Carolina to visit my parents, sister, and niece. First thing we did was drop these mutts off at the kennel that my mom recommended. I was sad to do it, but it was a nice time without them after the trip from California. My parents were so gracious to let the kids and us stay there till we picked up the RV from Florida. After getting into SC, we all stayed at my parents, but Tim and Mason left he following morning for Florida. While the boys were down there, Nonna took Madison out for some pampering. They are so funny! Thanks to my stepmother, I have learned how to bargain shop, and I passed that down to Madison. While they were out, Nonna was impressed at how Madison knew the clearance section lol. After pedicures and a trip to the mall, they came home and we had made dinner and went to the pool in their neighborhood. Then the next morning, we took a tour of downtown Charleston by horse and carriage. That was the first time I had ever rode one. Our tour guide was so good at his job and the whole time, I never once was bored. He had us so interested in everything. We got to see some of the most prettiest historic homes I had ever seen, followed by an old building that was used as a jail/prison. He said that it's believed to be haunted and that there were actually night tours through it--ya no thank you! When the tour was all over, we then went to this Cat Cafe. Big mistake. Number one, because Madison's allergies were in overdrive in there. And number two, Tina almost walked out with a kitten. The cafe is a place where you can go and spend time with adoptable kittens/cats. Just so happened to be Kitten day. There were so many adorable kitties. I would have adopted one if we weren't allergic. But playing with them was a treat. Not so much for Madison. She needed an allergy medicine fast. So our time at the cafe was cut short and we were on to walking around and doing some shopping for Benadryl and then some lunch. It was an unforgettable time!

The kennels we left our dogs at for 6 days

Madison and her Nonna-getting pedi's

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Us ladies at the tour

our awesome tour guide

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Haunted old jail

If only. This baby was adorable!

kitties!!!

Cute setup for the cat cafe

The calm before the storm

Nonna is in trouble lol

This was the winner for us

market shopping

Maddie and Me

Rainbow road

lunchtime with these beauties

Once we got the RV, we stayed at this adorable RV park on St James Island. It was so nice there. There was walking trails, fields of grass, rock climbing walls, ziplining, a water park, and a few other things. There was even a dog beach, but I wasn't about to let these dogs stink up the RV. It was bad enough we were in such close quarters with them. One of the days, we went to the waterpark at the camp we were staying at with my mom and niece. It was really good spending time with little Ryan--who wasn't so little anymore. She is totally my sister, in a mini-her version. Ryan and Madison spent the majority of the time there together. It was so cute seeing Madison and her playing together. Even though there is like a 10 year difference between the two of them, they played so nicely together. One of our last days there, we took the whole family out to dinner, and it felt so nice to just have everyone there together. I have missed that. Family. Too many moves and time apart. Time I can't get back. There is pros and cons to military lifestyles, and this--the distance and time lost--was definitely a huge con. Only one thing to do now, and that is to change that. Said my goodbyes to my family and now that we are all on the same coast and time zone, things will get better.

Madison and Ryan

Mason, Madison, and Ryan

Waterpark fun

Maxie hating the humidity of SC

Lulu at my parents house

My sister and me, and daughters

Family dinner

Love my niece

After the time in South Carolina, we headed up more north. We stopped in Virginia and headed to Busch Gardens for some much needed down time and Play time. The kids seemed to have a really good time. We all went on some rides, some crazier then other, and we just enjoyed being away from the craziness of traveling and Rv'ing. I wish that I bought some of the park pictures--the kind that the rides take while in mid air. There were some really cute and funny pictures but way over priced. I did get a few photos there without losing my phone.

Busch Gardens 2017

Our wet faces after the log ride

LOL

This ride looks innocent... Not so much!

Christmas picture lol

ughhhhhhh

Fun times were over and we were once again on the road, this time stopping in D.C. In my whole 39 years of life, and even while living in NJ, I never got to visit D.C. This was a great experience for the kids and me. Tim had been here a few times with his military career so it wasn't too new to him. We went to the Arlington National cemetery, where we saw the tomb of the unknown soldier. That was one of the proudest moments for me. Even though I had only served the Army 4 years, I still felt so humble and proud to say that I am a veteran. That job of manning the tomb is not an easy one. We were all out there in shorts and flip flops while these soldiers were in full dress uniform--if we were sweating, lord knows they were too times 20. We were able to watch the change of guard too. I am glad that the kids got to see it as well. Hopefully they felt proud too.