One more night...

Here it is Sunday already, and our suitcases are all packed and ready to be thrown in the truck. We have one more night left here, and tomorrow we head out for our one night stay in Texas. Last night was probably the worst night for me  on this whole little relocating process. I couldn't sleep, and had numerous things rushing through my mind that wouldn't stop. And yes, I was missing Tessie. She has become my "baby sunshine" as Madison would say.  My comfort when I fall asleep. My medicine for when I'm anxious. It's hard to explain, but she has become that therapy for me... Last night was the first night in a year that I didn't have her. It was sad. Everyone else slept wonderfully, but I laid awake with endless thoughts. 

I'm not sure what time I finally fell asleep but I eventually did and when I woke up, it wasn't the same. I usually have a little happy puppy excited to see me, all playful and snuggly. But, Tessie wasn't here. I know I must sound pathetic but I don't care. I have become a dog-lover long before Tessie and that isn't going to change. Sure it's just a dog. But to me, she's more! She's become a huge part of my everyday life. And yes, maybe I need an intervention? So be it. Plus it's only for a month and a half, it's not forever. But in my mind, it feels awful. :/

Today will be our day of last minute packs and dinner with our eldest daughter and her husband. Then before you know it, we'll be on the road again.  Onto our next chapter. And yes I am super thrilled to be moving to paradise for the next (possibly last Army years), and I'm filled with excitement at the thought of having my toes in the white sands. It's going to be so beautiful. And it will be complete once our pups arrive! 

Four days and a wake up!!!

I can't believe how fast this time is going! We have literally four days and a wake up left till we head to Hawaii! The thought of stepping into the airport, even before boarding that plane, makes me sick. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm a horrible flyer. Sometimes I freak out so bad, I feel like I need to be detained or tasered. Of course I have medicine to calm me, and I do take it. Usually extras.

However, still, just thinkin about it these days before we actually fly out, are probably the hardest for me... I had to find some pictures of some things that I am trying to use to calm me: 

Yup!! I can feel the sweaty palms already!

I'm not a drinker, but I may become one!!

And with this Ebola crap, this could be me too, in my own homemade bubble! 

No, but in all honesty, flying is a huge fear of mine, that I have yet to overcome. I know that in reality, I could die faster crossing the street, than on a plane. Yet I just can't shake it. If there was a way I could take the car or my bicycle there instead I would. I just would much rather do anything other than get on a plane. I have been stressing from day one since we got our orders because I knew this pcs entailed a flight! Lol. All this stress in advance sucks. This will literally be me the morning in the airport:

Please just pray for me and my sanity, as well as safe travels this coming Tuesday. Hawaii awaits us, and so I guess I have to put on my big girl panties and get over it!! Right?!?

At least I got my Hawaii hair done ;)

What a week...

This week was a busy one. Wednesday was my appointment up in OKC at Stephenson Cancer Center. My first impression was a sad one. There were several patients there that were already being treated for different forms of cancer. It was a beautiful facility however. There were four floors and each floor had different cancer clinics. We arrived for my appointment early, so we had a chance to go down to the cafeteria/restaurant.  By the restaurant there was a resource center, with all sorts of resources and pamphlets on my the many different forms of cancer.  I got a little sad looking at some of the things in there so I didn't stay and look around too much.  We ate some lunch among many others and when we were done, my appointment time had come. 

 I first met with a physician specialist, who went over all my family history and current issues.  I made sure she had copies from the doctor at Fort Sill, and I also brought up copies of my disks from radiology to compare.  She was a really nice woman and listened to all my concerns and answered as many questions as she could, before it was time to meet with the head doctor.  So, as I was waiting to meet her, I sat in a waiting room all by myself (I didn't want Tim and madison in there in case something bad was to be said..). I thought of all the terrible things it could be and why I was there.  Then I reassured myself that I already know mistakes happen by medical personnel so I was not to worry so much.  Ha. Who was I kidding, I was sweating and my pulse was definitely beating.  Finally, after what seemed like forever, the head doc came in.  She went over my history and we discussed some things, and she knew we were in a crunch time with moving.  She told me

She wanted to do another exam and see what's going on.  After my exam, I questioned her about this blood test that came back high, and she informed me that my blood test could've been elevated due to hormone levels, for my age. ?  I get it. Hormones have a lot to do with many things. Especially for us women.  I just don't get how it messes with blood tests? She honestly says that it (my crazy ovary cyst) should dissolve on its own and by the ultrasound, it did grow about a centimeter bigger. ? I don't know if I have faith in these specialists. Why would my blood test still be high? The doc says to get another retest of the CA-125, and another ultrasound in 6 weeks. If the levels rise, then there could be an issue. "Could be an issue?"  I'm just suppose to sit back and wait for something to become an issue?  So, as soon as we get to Hawaii and Inprocess, I'll have to be on the hunt for another specialist there. I thought maybe the doc here would've done the blood test recheck here but she didn't. I left feeling a small sort of relief, yet still with many unanswered questions. She did tell me that since my dad had colon cancer, that he should get a Lynch test done and if he's positive, then I'm at a higher risk for ovarian/uterine cancers. So, I'm waiting on when my dad's next appointment will be and his results. In the meantime, I'm still trying NOT to stress about it. I know if it was serious enough, she would've sent me to a surgeon right away. Right? So, I guess if it gets worse, Tripler Hospital in Oahu will take care of it. I must remember, I do have faith in God, and He is bigger than anything! 

Thursday was Tim's Change of Responsibility ceremony. He said a lot of people showed up when he thought it was only going to be a few people. I didn't go this time, mainly because he told me that I didn't need to, but also because I am so mentally overwhelmed by things lately, I just didn't want to "see" anyone. Someone did take some nice pictures for me lol, so here are some:

We will have another one in Hawaii to attend and have a huge reception for as Tim will be the incoming, and those are bigger than the outgoing. I'm sure I'll have many pictures of that one when that time comes. 

Other than this, the kids are driving me nuts. They just can't seem to get a long and not constantly get yelled at by Tim or I. This whole thing is stressful for us all. But I know it'll all be over soon enough!!??  Another thing I'm struggling with, is leaving our dogs behind. Tim has a friend here who is willing to dog sit till both their quarantines are up, but that is going to be January before we can fly them out to Hawaii. They can finish their quarantine there on the island, but it will cost us a huge penny. So financially, and also for the dogs so they aren't kept inside a Kennel for the remainder of their time, they will remain at Fort Sill till then. I know there will be some sense of relief without them, but I'm gonna seriously miss them. :(. Especially my little Cookie Monster Tessie...

Whaaaaaa!!! I'm gonna have serious puppy withdrawal. 

On another note, a great one, the kids school photos came in before we left, and I couldn't be happier. They are so precious and they came out great!

Madison-6th grade 2014

Mason-8th grade 2014

Heading to my appointment

Well, it's that day. The day that can change my life forever, or give me the relief that I have been constantly praying about. I'm on my way to the Stephenson Cancer Center in OKC, to meet with my new specialists. I'm not sure what they will do to me today, but whatever they do, I pray that it all promises negative results! I've come to the reality that if my woman parts need to come out-then so be it! I'm a proud mother of two amazingly beautiful little humans and I'm done with babies. (Although sometimes I get that "itch" for more), ya then I hear someone's baby screaming while we are or at dinner or a movie or wherever and that thought dissipates lol. I was blessed with my two and I am so very grateful for them. 

I know that no matter what today's outcome will be, I will be ok. I have a loving husband, amazing children, awesome parents and siblings, cousins, etc, and of course, friends. I know I will be fine. Besides, God's got this!!! So I will keep ya all posted when I'm done with today's fun. ❤️to all!

Staring fear In the eyes

Ok. So not a lot of you may know but I been having some "issues" ever since my back injury. Recently I was sent in for an ultrasound of my ovaries due to some "changes" that have been going on. Menopause at 36? Fibroids, check. Hormones, all good. 

Well, ultrasound found some weirdness to my left ovary. It was enlarged, with some septations to it, which are like sections of, well I'm not 100%sure. I seen the doc and he said that he could "feel" that it was enlarged and that he was sending me for labs. All kinds of labs. I had everything from my thyroid to a tumor marker-CA125 done. He told me that at my age, there was no need to worry, I'm young, we get cysts all the time. He told me that if he seen anything come back weird, he'd call but to pretty much know he wasn't gonna call... Well, last Monday he called.  The one blood test had to be sent to San Antonio and be read by pathology down there. It returned, and my results were high for what it normally should've been for a "healthy-active 36 year old". The one he swore that everything was gonna be fine and that he wasn't going to be calling.  So of course, I freak out on the phone and ask him all sorts of ?'s. Like what does this mean? What did this tumor test show? And he proceeds to tell me that now I'm being referred to a Oklahoma University gynecology oncologist for further evaluations. That his scope of practice doesn't work with cases like mine..  

Isn't that enough to make someone panic or what?!? Now, as some of you well know, I've had all too many "false" medical scares with the military doctors in my past. In 2004, I was sent for all sorts of stuff-CT scans, barium swallow (puke), bloodwork, etc. even had a needle biopsy from a pathologist that swore it was lymphoma. Then in Korea, Mason was extremely ill and had all kinds of tests done, where the bloodwork came back as something that represented leukemia. Both episodes to be falsified and corrected. Thank God! Needless to say, this is where all my anxiety issues and hypochondria comes from. I'm not blaming the military medicine; I know stuff happens. Mistakes happen. Machines give false positives. Hell, when my dad and brother were visiting me just recently, my dad was having chest pain so I took him to the ER off post, where a heart attack blood test was taken, read as positivie--had my dad and I both freaking out lol. They redid it three times and the latter of the bunch were all negative! So $&@% happens. 

As seen here: poor dude!! (Us parents have all been here before lol)

So with my appointment coming up Wednesday, I please ask all those who even read these to say a prayer that, they too--made a mistake. Not being able to ask my mother about her medical history (since she passed away at 41), kind of leaves me guessing and going off of whatever my family may know from when she was alive. I have faith in God that this is just another trial He is setting me on to reassure my faith in Him. I haven't lost faith in Him, but have lost my way in following Him. Please, please pray that the test was wrong. 

Another day for My military family

So, we finally got out of the RV yesterday. No more shaking. No more tiny cold 'airplane bathroom size' shower. (And if someone showers, you have to wait about an hour for more the water heater to hear more hot water).  No more tiny fridge. No more tiny hard toilet, which in my opinion, they should make butt pillows for those. No more having to "watch the door/from the wind blowing it open and slamming it". No more horrible wifi, even though it could do us all some good to stay off the internet. However, I'll miss the mornings like this one, where I got to witness God's beauty.

So, now we are into a little more of a bigger space, a suite, with an awesome shower :) that never runs out of hot water! We have a recliner in our room, along with a small kitchen and all 

the trimmings to go with it. Basically the same stuff we had in the RV, just seems more comfortable to me. 

Something's don't change, no matter where we live ha!!

The drive to the kids school is less mileage too. From the RV park, it was at least 15 miles one way. Here, it's like 3. So that means less gas, and more time to sleep in rather than get up super early to prepare and go. The dogs have a routine already too, we like to go for rides and get the kids together. 

I am going to miss the daily Mt. Scott workouts. Now, I don't think we will drive all the way there so often anymore. Have to use the hotel gym :/

The count is on... 17 days till we head to Dallas and get on a plane. Next week sometime, they are coming to get my car to ship it to Hawaii. That means one vehicle only, till we go down to Texas. (Should be fun with still having to take and pick up kids and finish everything else we have to finish). Appointments, store runs, and whatever else.  Plus, we decided it's best to leave the dogs behind with one of Tim's co-workers, till their quarantine is done or at least close to being done. That should be around end of January.. Not happy about any of that but to quarantine them on the island for like 60 days, will be over $2000 out of our pocket. Not to mention, how stressful it'll be on them to stay in a kennel that long?  This way they'll be with a family. (Everything can't be perfect and work the way I want...) I wish we could've prepared them sooner but of course, we didn't know then... And Then the truck goes too. Can we say stress?!?! I do feel good that my Stormy girl is adjusting well and is loving the ranch life.  At least that is a good thing. 

I sure love her so... And am gonna miss her more than I can say! But with her back problems and legs, it's best for her to relax and have room to roam.  And I feel happy knowing that once we settle, if she's feeling up to it, we can send her out. Saying goodbye to her will tear at my heartstrings. :(

This has been my go-to verse these days. God knows I need some serious mental relief ;).

Beauty in everything

This was a beautiful chilly morning when I was able I take this magical picture from outside our hooch window. It was just a typical morning, before having to take the kids to school. I was able to notice the beauty of another one of God's gifts. 

These guys too ;)